Virginia asks:
How do I LET GO of clients’ emotional pain and RECHARGE after a call? How do I detach from THEIR results?
MY RESPONSE:
Virginia, let me introduce you to one of my favorite topics: Setting healthy boundaries.
How do you not take on your clients’ pain, angst, desire, etc.? By making sure your own boundaries are clear. Healthy boundaries start at home. If you’re getting your validation and significance externally from your clients, it’s going to be difficult to set those boundaries. First and foremost, you need to focus on yourself.
It’s not easy, believe me, I know. I remember in the early days when my clients were getting great results, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was living on borrowed time. It felt like I was a fraud. I didn’t believe in my own power, and I thought it might be a fluke. One of the best things I did was I designed my program for ME. I worked with a mindset coach to get to the root of this feeling of not being enough. I sat in that space of not knowing, of feeling like a fraud, of being afraid, and just let those emotions be.
It was all about me, and then I went through the program, I did the work, and transformed my own mindset. You can do this too, Virginia!
When you set healthy boundaries, you have to be willing to act in your own best interests. You have to ask yourself, what do I need right now? The trick, however, is not letting your mind answer. Your brain will tell you that you need to do more, take bigger risks, be more organized, buy another program, blah blah. But if you listen instead to your intuition or somatic wisdom, your body will tell you the truth.
Your body will tell you that you’re tired, that you need to pause, that you need a break. Your body will bring to the surface your root fears, the true pain beneath your anxiety. Sitting in that space and naming your fears out loud will help you identify what it is you really need.
When it comes to boundaries, it’s about taking your energy back and being your own best client first. Your needs come first. What will improve your mental health? What would make you be a better version of yourself? When you’re able to meet your needs, and put yourself in a good place, you’ll be better able to help your clients. If you neglect your needs, you’ll become resentful, under resourced, a victim or what I now call “Wounded.”
In fact, I feel so passionately about this, I created a deep dive into the energetics of success – the plane at which to solve these core problems of “not enough”, “unworthy”, “incapable”, etc. And unlike just about every other personal development course out there, our focus is NOT on fixing the problem at its root…
(yeah read that again)…
It’s not about FIXING the wound, Virginia, but it’s about having just enough awareness of the wound and the patterns it creates, so you can step back into your highest, Creator self and be guided by your own innate wisdom. It’s the “mindset” that everyone talks about these days, but few actually know how to teach or implement reliably. I believe that when you place your energy in Creator (a concept that I discuss in great depth in Impact with Clarity), the healing happens as a sort of side effect of you simply creating the life you want.
How rad is that?
Instead of having to toil away at healing first and only then being allowed to pursue your soul’s calling. Love yourself and trust yourself. When you do, you can take that practice and extend it to the client. You can hold space for a client who is struggling because you’ve been there. You know their pain and can hear it. Discover what’s underneath it. Go deeper.
In that space, your client can free up their inspiration, creativity, and excitement. You invite them to see their problem in a new light. Remember, you’re not there to fix issues, you’re there to help them get in touch with their own truth. When you do that, the call will recharge you instead of depleting you.
But, we all have off-days, so here’s one last tip. When I have a bad call or feel strung out after a meeting, one thing I do is take off my make-up and change my clothes. I physically wash away the bad energy and mentally send the client love, and then I make a clean break. I leave their pain with them and turn my focus inward to feel into my own negative emotions that might be lingering.
This allows me to figure out where they live in my house. I look for those emotions in myself and sit with them and understand how this person is helping me release my own pain. Again, for a deep dive and step-by-step process to really master this, so you can use it reliably (not just once in a while), get special pricing on Impact with Clarity for a limited time.
